It was a (a)typical Friday Night in Washington
Heights; the hub of traditional, establishment, Modern Orthodoxy,
and home to its flagship institution - Yeshiva
University. In what would look like a standard YU/Stern (YU’s college for women) inspired Friday night Tisch
(a gathering to sing
and socialize in celebration of the Jewish Shabbat), we were a group of over 150 young Jews socializing over
great Chulent (a Traditional Shabbat dish) and songs. Everyone in the room was
having a great time, nothing news worthy about that. Nevertheless, something
else made that event so overwhelmingly special that I decided, I don’t care if
I have time or not, I have to write it down. It was (possibly the first of its kind, at
least in that magnitude),
what we called, an LGBTisch (and allies). Almost everyone in the room was from an Orthodox Jewish
background, and at the same time queer identified - or at least openly
supportive of their Queer friends. Furthermore, most of the people in the room (excluding myself…) currently identify as Queer-Orthodox
Jews (hyphenated
intentionally).
A few
weeks ago, after the Eshel National
Retreat, I
was overwhelmed in a similar way. While I am constantly vocal
about my very non-orthodox beliefs and disbeliefs, and proudly identify as a Secular Jew of some
sort (and add a few
other labels if you so please, such as Humanist, and lover of Jewish-Renewal, personally, I hate labels), Orthodox Judaism is still part of
who I am. Admittedly, most of my interactions with it are negative, yet it is
not something I can ignore. I can count several reasons; if not for the fact
that wiping out 20 years of one’s life is not that easy, it is for the fact
that my child lives in an Orthodox community, or just an internal (naïve?) hope for an in depth awakening within
Orthodoxy. The latter - hope for change within Orthodoxy - is actually the one
reason I gave up on a while ago. Until I woke up to a reality that was
literally just the opposite of what I would expect; I came out as an openly
queer Jew.
It might
sound Ironic, but ‘living out’ as a queer Jew, reinstated my hope for, and
believe in, a better and accepting future within Orthodoxy. I find myself
surrounded by proud Jews more than I ever did in the last four years. Even
more, for the first time since going Off The Derech,
I once again feel welcomed in some Orthodox settings.[1]
The LGBTisch was just another, yet amusingly, such an
important milestone in the history of Queer Judaism as a whole, and specifically
Queer Orthodoxy. An outsider reading this probable thinks that I am overreacting.
However, to me, and to the others in the room on that Friday night, it felt
like our very own Stonewall
Riots - in some way - although peaceful. 60 years ago our forbearers went
out on the streets of America’s (and perhaps the Western World’s) [counter-]Cultural Capital, the West
Village, and announced that enough is enough, and it is about time to ‘get better’ for the LGBT community. This
time we gathered in (one
of) the cultural capital
of Modern-Orthodoxy, and in the ultimate Jewish way - a Friday Night gathering
- we announced that it is time to ‘get besser[2]’
for the Jewish Orthodox-Queer community. There is no better way to launch a
Jewish riot than a group of over 150 Jews - Queer identified, and these who are
just amazingly strong allies - gathering to announce, “Hey Rabbis, hey
Orthodoxy, we are Queer Jews, and we are here to stay.”
The event itself was nothing noteworthy, just singing,
reciting Divrei
Torah (words of
wisdom), and personal
stories. Nevertheless, exactly that was noteworthy. While we were sitting in a
circle and singing traditional Shabbat songs, as well as old and new Hasidic (a 18th century
anti-establishment Jewish Movement) songs, in addition to some of our very own Queer versions (such as ‘Anshei Chayel’[3]),
I couldn’t stop wondering where all
these queer orthodox people come from. At one point during the night, I could
not help myself but turn to one of my local friends and check in whatever they
are any Cis/Straight Jews living in Washington Heights… I met some of the most courageous,
self-determent, yet community oriented human beings. They were old friends; and
I made new ones, they were people who are ‘out’; and they were these who are
still finding their way out, but altogether it was one of the best groups of people
I have ever spend time with. While I am writing these words, over a week later,
I am still tearing up, and cannot find a way to describe it.
 |
| One of the original songs performed at the event... |
I want to touch on one other point. Thankfully, the Jewish
community, especially in the North America, does not lack in LGBT support
groups. From LGBT specific organizations such as JQY, Keshet,
Eshel, and more, to numerous Queer
support groups within existing Jewish communities and college campuses (YU might be one of the only Universities
in New York without an official LGBT support group). Nonetheless, most of these groups
are by queer people for queer people, and that is amazing. What is even better
is an event like this one, one that is clearly open and inviting to our amazing
“Allies.” The reason for that is twofold. First and foremost, it serves those
who need our support perhaps more than anyone else - people that are still ‘in
the closet’ so to speak. No doubt, we are sadly still living in a world where
we need to DO SOMETHING to get our so needed support as Queer Humans, but for
our siblings still in hiding, this is life support. Only an event that is open
to allies can achieve this goal. Then, there is the hope for change. We are not
just trying to survive as our true selves; we are trying to thrive, within the
broader human family. In my humble opinion, having more LGBT AND Allies events,
is bringing us closer to this goal.
Okay enough said.
I am writing this post as a way of reflecting and sharing
my own personal feelings, yet the stronger message is one I want to share with
the world, the Jewish community, and above all, with Orthodox Judaism. We still
have a long way to go. I am totally ignoring the fact that all of this is happening
within the boundaries of Modern-Orthodoxy, which is still at the very beginning
of its way towards equality. I am not even thinking (as of now) about my community of origin, Ultra-Orthodoxy.[4] It is
heartbreaking that an event like this in Hasidic Williamsburg or
Yeshivish (non-Hasidic Lithuanian Ultra-Orthodox
Jews) Lakewood
- in the open, is beyond anyone’s wildest/sweetest dream. However, we are
sending a clear message. To the establishment, the rabbis, institutions,
etc. we are exclaiming: WE ARE HERE TO STAY. We, Queer Jews of Orthodox
background, are not going anywhere. We grew, we are growing, and we will grow,
in numbers and in depth. It is about time to show us the ultimate Jewish value
of love, and endurance.
At the same time, we have a message to every struggling individual,
within religious communities and beyond. A message that I have said before, and
will continue to preach until there isn’t even a single child, living in a
world that tells them ‘your feelings are erroneous’ who has not heard this memorandum:
YOU ARE NOT
ALONE. You are not crazy, you are not a sinner, but you ARE amazing! We are
here for you. There is a loving community, made up by some of the most
inspiring individuals alive, waiting to share their love!!!
With sight on the future,
Abby @ The Second Transition
[1] No worries, the chances of me becoming
orthodox again are lower than the chances of becoming a Buddhist or Sufi… sorry
Orthodox friends, had to say it.
[2]
Yiddish for Better.
[3] Find
the full text in the first comment on this post. Feel free to post corrections
and edits, as well as to copy it and use it as you please.
[4] I can not skip on that without mentioning the lifesaving organization “Footsteps” which
helps these who are leaving Ultra-Orthodox communities. In addition to being a place that
encourages every member to live their own life to the fullest, it is one of the
most LGBT friendly spaces I am part of. Find us at http://footstepsorg.org/.
